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Attending Snooker: A Guide for Morons

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  • Attending Snooker: A Guide for Morons

    For those new to attending snooker, it should be noted there are certain protocols and customs that are generally understood among fans. As "Not being an arse" doesn't seem to have cut the mustard in recent years, I suggest we compile a handy guide to assist the more intellectually deficient fans:

    1) The prime reason for attending a snooker tournament should be to watch the snooker. Attending the bar is a lovely extra, but you didn't buy a ticket for the bar, so at least try to sit through two frames before you leave your seat and clatter down the stairs to grab a pint. The person who told the BBC that "If the bar at the Crucible were more reasonably priced, we'd miss a lot more sessions" was either misquoted or needs a slap.

    2) Turn your phone off. No, turn it OFF. That's not o..look for Chrissakes, just shut it down. Why take up a seat in the arena only to spend the entire session recording pointless video or tweeting about it, rather than watching it?

    3) Don't yell out when the player is on the shot. No, really, they don't like it. No honestly, they don't.

    4) If you are going to yell out, try to think of something more inventive than "COME ON *insert name here*!" - so far as I know, there is no historically documented case of a player thanking a member of the crowd for the suggestion to come on. I'm pretty sure they're trying to come on anyway. Why not shout something that may be genuinely useful? "YOU'RE CUEING TO THE LEFT ON YOUR LONG POTS RONNIE!" for example. He might actually appreciate that.

    5) No, really, turn your phone off. The referee told us all before the game started, there are signs in the arena and the players stop and glare whenever a ringtone is heard. At the very least take the hint when someone else's goes off.

    6) Back to the yelling again. Alright, it's a free country, you can yell the players' names if you like. Fine. But yelling the names of players who aren't even competing isn't an original thought and it doesn't make you funny. The rest of the players on tour have enough issues with the shadow of Ronnie O'Sullivan without bringing his name into matches he isn't competing in. And look, we all love Jimmy, but yelling his name at the final of the Masters these days isn't funny, it's cruel. Jimmy doesn't laugh when you yell "COME ON JIMMY" and these days the only way Jimmy's coming on in a major final is to shake hands with the players.

    7) Flash photography during a 147 attempt? REALLY?

  • #2
    My favourite players: Walter Lindrum (AUS), Neil Robertson (AUS), Eddie Charlton (AUS), Robby Foldvari (AUS), Vinnie Calabrese (AUS), Jimmy White, Stephen Hendry, Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Dominic Dale and Barry Hawkins.
    I dream of a 147 (but would be happy with a 100)

    Comment


    • #3
      My favourite players: Walter Lindrum (AUS), Neil Robertson (AUS), Eddie Charlton (AUS), Robby Foldvari (AUS), Vinnie Calabrese (AUS), Jimmy White, Stephen Hendry, Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Dominic Dale and Barry Hawkins.
      I dream of a 147 (but would be happy with a 100)

      Comment


      • #4
        I remember that wazzock from last year - when we left the arena after the match, he was sitting in the Palm Court proudly telling someone on his phone that he'd been chucked out of the snooker.

        Comment


        • #5


          And try not to fart
          My favourite players: Walter Lindrum (AUS), Neil Robertson (AUS), Eddie Charlton (AUS), Robby Foldvari (AUS), Vinnie Calabrese (AUS), Jimmy White, Stephen Hendry, Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Dominic Dale and Barry Hawkins.
          I dream of a 147 (but would be happy with a 100)

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by gavpowell View Post
            I remember that wazzock from last year - when we left the arena after the match, he was sitting in the Palm Court proudly telling someone on his phone that he'd been chucked out of the snooker.
            Yeah well in every bunch of Roses there's allways one (p) Rick
            It's hard to pot balls with a Chimpanzee tea party going on in your head

            Wibble

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            • #7
              i heard someone burbed when Trump was trying to take a long deep screw

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by mchpddl1 View Post
                i heard someone burbed when Trump was trying to take a long deep screw
                Wrong forum
                It's hard to pot balls with a Chimpanzee tea party going on in your head

                Wibble

                Comment


                • #9
                  I gave been laughing reading these/watching the vids. Some good stuff! Although also quite alarming to see how bad some people behave!
                  The shouting out thing is something that really winds me up. There is no need for it! I remember hearing Jimmy White saying that he hated people shouting "come on Jimmy" when he played. And when he's played the shoot-out in recent years he's asked the crowd to be more respectful to his opponent.
                  Its funny how certain players attract certain supporters - and Ronnie certainly fits into the same category as Jimmy White. Partly because he's from London, partly because he's such an entertaining player to watch, and partly because of his well-documented off-table antics. I am sure Ronnie would rather do without some of the supporters that let themselves - and him - down at events.
                  I was in the crowd for the World final last year, and one guy near me kept coughing deliberately when Selby was cueing. Another shouted out "Go on Ronnie - Suck his eyes out". Disgraceful behaviour!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by gavpowell View Post
                    For those new to attending snooker, it should be noted there are certain protocols and customs that are generally understood among fans. As "Not being an arse" doesn't seem to have cut the mustard in recent years, I suggest we compile a handy guide to assist the more intellectually deficient fans:

                    1) The prime reason for attending a snooker tournament should be to watch the snooker. Attending the bar is a lovely extra, but you didn't buy a ticket for the bar, so at least try to sit through two frames before you leave your seat and clatter down the stairs to grab a pint. The person who told the BBC that "If the bar at the Crucible were more reasonably priced, we'd miss a lot more sessions" was either misquoted or needs a slap.

                    2) Turn your phone off. No, turn it OFF. That's not o..look for Chrissakes, just shut it down. Why take up a seat in the arena only to spend the entire session recording pointless video or tweeting about it, rather than watching it?

                    3) Don't yell out when the player is on the shot. No, really, they don't like it. No honestly, they don't.

                    4) If you are going to yell out, try to think of something more inventive than "COME ON *insert name here*!" - so far as I know, there is no historically documented case of a player thanking a member of the crowd for the suggestion to come on. I'm pretty sure they're trying to come on anyway. Why not shout something that may be genuinely useful? "YOU'RE CUEING TO THE LEFT ON YOUR LONG POTS RONNIE!" for example. He might actually appreciate that.

                    5) No, really, turn your phone off. The referee told us all before the game started, there are signs in the arena and the players stop and glare whenever a ringtone is heard. At the very least take the hint when someone else's goes off.

                    6) Back to the yelling again. Alright, it's a free country, you can yell the players' names if you like. Fine. But yelling the names of players who aren't even competing isn't an original thought and it doesn't make you funny. The rest of the players on tour have enough issues with the shadow of Ronnie O'Sullivan without bringing his name into matches he isn't competing in. And look, we all love Jimmy, but yelling his name at the final of the Masters these days isn't funny, it's cruel. Jimmy doesn't laugh when you yell "COME ON JIMMY" and these days the only way Jimmy's coming on in a major final is to shake hands with the players.

                    7) Flash photography during a 147 attempt? REALLY?
                    Great post. Unfortunately the persons you try to contact seems to be out of reach for any kind af arguments.
                    ....its not called potting its called snooker. Quote: WildJONESEYE
                    "Its called snooker not potting" Quote: Rory McLeod

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'm glad it's gone down well - I was a bit concerned I might come across as a bit superior, but it's spectacularly irritating to me when I've spent a fortune and a lot of time scrabbling for tickets, only to see people barely using theirs or treating the snooker as secondary to the bar.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'll keep it down on replying to older threads but having seen my fair share of morons last weekend so I thought I could maybe add to your list. These are probably (hopefully) mostly applyable for PTC events:

                        -If you're with someone who doesn't understand basic snooker you might want brief them at home rather than 10 meters from a live table.
                        -Don't take young children to an event where they have to sit still and be quiet. From what I understand it's not really their thing.
                        -Practice your whispering. It's actually possible to whisper in a volume that is hearable a good 5 meters away. That's the bad kind of whispering.
                        -If a player has ordered you to be quiet: be quiet. Shutting up for 10 seconds to continue your conversation doesn't help.
                        -Wait for the frame to be over before sitting down near the table and don't move during shots. (Wouldn't have expected this to be unclear to anyone)
                        -You own a DSLR and that's great, so do I and the guy next door and I think my mom has one too. Even if you do wait for the player to take the shot and even if you left the flash off you still need to consider the world can do without 30 of the same kit-lens shots of the same 2 players on the same table from the same angle and position. That shutter sound is still sound. If you're going to make pictures at least make sure they're good I would say.
                        -If the seat you're on will make a loud bang when you stand up, gently guide it. It won't make a huge sound if you do.
                        -Anything that has a tv camera on it or is near a tv camera is automatically more important and interesting. Still the 12 guys on the other tables probably need to concentrate as well so if the tv match is finished and you come to check out other players you still need to be quiet. Also: don't disapproving sound when one of the lesser Gods makes a poor shot choice.

                        There, I think I got all the frustration out. I also want to point out I don't mean to come across as superior. Ofcourse take it with a pinch of salt. I realize these events will attract this sort of crowd, and ofcourse these are mostly incidents.. apart from the loud tv table crowd unfortunatly!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by timcunnell View Post
                          I gave been laughing reading these/watching the vids. Some good stuff! Although also quite alarming to see how bad some people behave!
                          The shouting out thing is something that really winds me up. There is no need for it! I remember hearing Jimmy White saying that he hated people shouting "come on Jimmy" when he played. And when he's played the shoot-out in recent years he's asked the crowd to be more respectful to his opponent.
                          Its funny how certain players attract certain supporters - and Ronnie certainly fits into the same category as Jimmy White. Partly because he's from London, partly because he's such an entertaining player to watch, and partly because of his well-documented off-table antics. I am sure Ronnie would rather do without some of the supporters that let themselves - and him - down at events.
                          I was in the crowd for the World final last year, and one guy near me kept coughing deliberately when Selby was cueing. Another shouted out "Go on Ronnie - Suck his eyes out". Disgraceful behaviour!
                          I'm not happy with noise on the shot but we hear it all the time in league and get on with it. Ronnie has to put up with more noise than everyone given his fans are so enthusiastic when he's at the table; that's not easy but he mans up and gets on with it, he still hits the tons and maxis. The rest can man up as well. If you can play well, a bomb could go off and you wouldn't notice, so says Davis.

                          Snooker is meant to be entertaining and with that comes noise (only between shots I hope). If you want a dead silent, long drawn out affair, snooker will die another death. Most fans are well behaved, even the new ones. The best tournament for atmosphere was the old Wembley and partly because the fans made noise. I'd rather have that than all the borefests in the world.

                          The real problem is not fans making noise, the real problem is multi-table set-ups with people moving around all the time. The thread should be about that, because that's what's really annoying players at the moment.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Attending Snooker: A Guide for Morons

                            yeah but a multi table set up gives Ronnie the chance to watch another game while he's not at the table.!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              If you want to take photos, buy a camera with a SILENT mode.
                              I notice the "official" photographers (not the one that got an ear full from Ronnie recently) but the grey-haired lady and the Chinese chap - I am often some distance from the table and they are near the score board and I can hear their shutter sound!
                              Buy a camera with a silent mode.

                              you would have thought....

                              [spleen vented - thanks ]
                              Up the TSF!

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